Thoughts

I wanna scream

I wanna cry,

And I can’t do either.

My mind is lost

I know the cost

It pounds in my head over and over

Failure.

I am not okay.

I don’t know how to be okay.

I only know

That my worries grow

So much they swallow

Me whole

I. See. Nothing.

I don’t know where I am.

I feel like a fucking scam.

You all look at me and say that I can.

Can I?

Yes.

I can.

So why don’t I?

Why can’t I just cry?

Get it over with and move on. Fly

To where I’m supposed to.

But I don’t.

My mind is opposed to change

My feelings aren’t going away

My mind it feels like I sway

All the voices aren't going away

I can’t! Okay?

I’m not okay!

Clearly 

But the tears won’t fall

It won’t go away at all!

Even when I do let go

In the worst ways possible

Nothing changes

I’m lost

My body is feeling the cost

I know I’m falling apart

I can’t call this a work of art

There’s nothing to look at

Just a blank face

Looking around at all the crap

What has my life become

For my future to look so glum

Why is it so hard

To see anything past this

Fucking mindset

Angry past self

Destructive coping skills

I know these thoughts can kill

It’s starting to

This is not my will

I smile

At my life

That’s breaking apart

In front of me

Because my will 

Is not strong enough 

To accompany me

Through this trash

It piled high

So far up I see no sky

I’m lost inside

I see no light 

These thoughts I’ve thought

Are piled high

In my thinking

I am sinking.

-- BlackFox