Ruthless

I am tired

Of feeling

Distressing 

For multiple reasons

That is the life

Of a woman traumatized 

So many times

Through every disguise

If you keep to yourself 

They look for you

If you express yourself

They think love is true

If you’re quiet

They think you like them

If you’re loud

They think you want them

If you say nothing

They’ll continue

If you say something

That’s all they’ll do

Cause they like you 

And to them that is enough

To look past your nonbluff

They’ll continue

Bothering you

And when you’ve had enough

They’ll keep bothering you.

And it’s worse still

When you’re afraid

Paranoid of them all

The moments don’t fade

And when you want to forget

And get it over with

You keep making mistakes

That send you back to it

You can’t look past it

The past haunts your future

Your future self will go through it

You may never lose her

She who is afraid

She who screams of rage

At the thought of pain

Caused by those who didn’t go away

She cries

Deep inside

At the thought of never being alive

With pride.

One in herself

With no one searching

For a connection that is not certain.

Where no would mean no

And apprehension would give clues

That one does not want you.

I must live ruthless.

-- BlackFox