"I Saved Myself"

I saved myself

But I cannot pretend that I was not helped.

Here was one man, one boy there.

Who happened to be there for me to care

I saw him in sadness

And internally wept of joy

I found a way out

Through a manner so coy

It might have been wrong

But I did not care

I said nothing

For I did not dare

To lose such hope

By telling the truth

To be left alone

My neck in a noose

At that party

I spoke with him

Left him calm

My chances slim

Little by little

I got to know him

And little by little

I was saved.

Now he may have known

Or he may have not

But if he knew

He showed naught.

We talked

A lot.

Or so he thought.

And I let him

He walked into a puddle

And thought it was the sea

Satisfying himself

He thought he would lead

But it wasn’t long

Before he struggled to breathe

In my numbness and carelessness

In my hobbies and my worries

He knew nothing about them

And changed in a manner so hurried

He questioned my decisions

And no longer loved my flaws

For they piled and piled

He was scratched by their claws

He wanted them gone

Without understanding how

They were essential to my survival

He’d look at them and scowl

So this nice boy

Who helped so much

Without even knowing

How he did so much

Couldn’t deal

Couldn't understand

He could not see

To a plan so grand

And I could not explain. 

Cause if I did

He’d leave

So behind a bad title I hid

As a bad person 

And a bad girlfriend

To someone so perfect

She chose the end

And I was fine with that.

As long as I was safe

He played as well

That was why I caved

If he didn’t care

About hiding his

Why should I

Care about this

As long as appearances stayed

And we look together

Behind closed doors

My conscience light as a feather 

I had my reasons

And he had his

He had no right to be mad at me 

Accusing me of his

Own actions.

At least I tried

For a while

To remain alone

But he did not know

And I'm okay with that 

I shall not be questioned 

Even when he did I didn't answer

The real reason was never mentioned

I did what I did

To save myself

From a worse situation 

From pain I had felt

Over and over

For a whole month in all

Too afraid to lose it all

I could have spoken up

But I never did

Because I'd lose all my freedom

And he'd get a slap on the wrist.

So I found another way

To get away

And I hid

In someone else’s shade

I got together with someone else

A lack of safety is all I felt

but it made me safer than I was before

I was left alone, a change I dealt

With the help of someone else

Someone who might have known in the end

But didn’t at the start

And I used this dude

I played a part

I needed to get out

Of where I was

This dude unknowingly helped me

I did this because I was terrified. 

I saved myself

And had the opportunity

Not presented itself

I might be dead right now

So thank you

To that dude

With a sorry attitude

You let me help you

That night

You helped me more than you realize.

You saved me that night.

And though we didn’t end great

I will always keep that in mind

How you helped me without knowing.

I hope you have a good life.

-- BlackFox